The internet makes it possible to interact with a wide variety of people, many of which you may never come across in your every day life and some which you would prefer not to talk to! When meeting people online remember to keep yourself nice.
Treat each online interaction as though you are talking to the person at a bar or meeting them at a party. Think again before asking someone their bra size or their post code as a first question … would you do this in a bar? It’s likely to land you with a slap across the face.
Be interested in more than the person’s measurements or wallet contents. You actually have a head start on meeting someone in person as there is this useful tool called a profile to look at. Take the time to read their profile – there is a rich mine of information for you to be curious about and ask questions.
Be creative! Asking “Why are you here? Where do you live?’ is NOT going to cut it. This is a dating site! You know why they are there!! Check the profile see what they are looking for. Start your conversation by observing something in their profile, its an instant attention grabber, rather than the yawn inspiring “Hi, How are you?”. If you can’t be bothered to read people’s profiles, really, why are you online?
Grilling people about their sexual preferences within two seconds of saying hello is usually very off putting … again, would you walk up to someone at a bar and do this? Take time to get to know people, to feel if there is a social “click”. Asking questions will give you more to go on as the person you chat to provides information about themselves.
Conversely, spilling your whole life story in the first two minutes is not a good plan either – retain some mystery!
Watch your language (and spelling and grammar), the written word is easy to misconstrue; take time to craft your words; and take care with the intended tone. Don’t shout at people by using CAPS, don’t swear and don’t insult them if you feel the conversation is not going in the direction you would like. Read things a couple of times over if you think that someone is having a swipe at you … chances are they are not, just trying to get to know you. Check their meaning if you are not sure.
If you don’t feel that click, a polite observation that you think you would be better suited to someone else, is much more respectable than making an abusive comment and logging off.
Take your time, have some fun and be prepared for some disappointments as well as some successes! Remember, manners go a long way towards impressing people, its handy if you keep yours nicely polished!
Grad. Dip. Counselling (ACAP)
Grad. Dip. Health Sciences (Sexual Health), University of Sydney
M Bus. Marketing, University of Technology, Sydney
Currently undertaking Research Masters University of Sydney
Working as a clinical counselor and sexologist Tanya helps people with sexual issues, relationship problems, self esteem and anxiety.
She has worked as telephone counsellor at Impotence Australia, a sexual assault counselor for NSW Rape Crisis Centre and a Relationships Counsellor for Relationships Australia.
She has her own practice in Surry Hills and along with researching she presents workshops and lectures on sexual health.